- working with autistic individuals and those with ADHD
- assisting parents improve their relationships with their child and navigate the challenges of being a parent, (particularly when their own ‘stuff’ from their background is blocking the kind of parent they ideally want to be),
- helping those who struggle with anger and aggressive behaviour
- working with people who have a history of trauma, in particular sexual abuse
Sexual abuse : Many continue to suffer in silence – the media can help and the media can hinder
The statistics remind us how prevalent sexual abuse remains in society and my experience in forensic health has put me in a unique and fortunate position to be able to help those who have been sexually abused/sexually offended against, whether as a child, or as an adult. I work with many clients who have experienced sexual abuse and whilst it is a subject that is more readily discussed in a general media context, each individual’s experience is different and as a result of various factors, it understandably remains difficult to disclose.
The ‘Me too’ movement, in addition to people such as Grace Tame and Brittany Higgins are shining more of a spotlight on sexual abuse, which has been fantastic for many. However, there have also been some unintended outcomes from the increased media coverage of sexual abuse.
- some of my clients negatively compare themselves to people in the media and have reported a heightened sense of inadequacy at struggling to disclose their own history, which serves to further cement their shame and silences them further. –
- the abuse experiences bravely shared by those in the media may simply not be the same circumstances as their own, leaving some clients to feel a greater sense of disconnect and isolation. –
- Some clients directly compare the abuse suffered by those in the media with their own abuse and wonder if they are ‘allowed’ to feel as they do; they wonder if they are exaggerating their own experience or wonder if it was a dream.
- It can be portrayed as rather black and white in the media, leaving some people with a sense of pressure to ‘hate’ the person who perpetrated against them. They wonder if they are allowed to have ambivalent feelings rather than hatred towards the person who perpetrated against them.
- Some people who are older feel that the vocalisation of younger people is not relatable to their stage of life and a further sense of isolation and ensuing silence can occur.
Further to this, shockingly I have noticed an increase in ‘sexual assault resignation’ in some of the adolescent female clients, I see. Clients have told me that “it’s everywhere, everyone experiences it, so it’s not a big deal, it is what it is”. The resignation serves to silence young women even further as they don’t feel they should even have a voice.
And of course, sadly, it is not only females who are sexually offended against. Males are sexually abused by males and females. Females sexually abuse females and males. Each sexual abuse experience and the context in which it occurs carries with it a differing dynamic and sometimes people feel silenced as their experienced ‘version’ of sexual violence has relatively lower ‘airtime’ in general society and the media.
So. If you remember nothing else, please remember this.
- Your experience is your experience and cannot be compared with others. All your experiences, thoughts, feelings, memories associated with being sexually violated are VALID. (as a side note, in my experience, people who have experienced sexual abuse often understate their experiences, thereby invalidating themselves.)
- The ONLY person responsible for sexual abuse/sexual offending behaviour/rape/sexual assault is the person/people who perpetrated sexual offending behaviour.
- The perpetrator of sexual violence uses various means to ensure that the person who is violated, remains silent. This silence is a challenging pattern to break AND it can be broken AND you can reprocess trauma and free yourself from silence and trauma.
I am so passionate about helping people address their experiences of being sexually offended against/sexually abused/ raped. I encourage you to reach out if you would like some help to process your experiences, so you can live a more meaningful life that honours you.